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Home Opinion

California’s Santa Cruz County Mandates Mask-Wearing in Private Homes

by Steven Ahle
November 25, 2021
in Opinion, Politics, satire
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California’s Santa Cruz County Mandates Mask-Wearing in Private Homes
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Santa Cruz County in California is cracking down for Thanksgiving. Everyone must wear a mask in private homes and people are being offered a five-dollar food stamp and a small pack of condoms for everyone you turn in for violating the mandate.

All Thanksgiving meals must be put through a blender and then sucked through a straw in order to keep your mask on. It is also illegal to buy a turkey that does not have a vaccine passport.

Any turkey without a vaccine passport must spend a minimum of three weeks in quarantine before being cooked. Anyone who stays home instead of traveling to the homes of friends or relatives will get a great deal on a tank of gas. You only have to take over the payments.

If you do serve a vaccinated turkey, eating leftovers on Thursday and Friday is fine, but if you plan to eat any after that, the turkey must have a booster shot.

Turkeys must have their heads firmly attached and covered with a mask at all times.

Santa Cruz County Health Officer Dr. Gaill Newel said:

“Unfortunately, a potential winter surge appears to be a significant threat to the health and safety of our community.” 

“As we look forward to spending time with those we love during the holidays, it is important to protect vulnerable friends and family members by wearing a mask indoors.”

“Everyone who has not been vaccinated should get their first dose as soon as possible, and anyone who was vaccinated more than six months ago should seek out a booster.”

From The Blaze

California currently has one of the lowest coronavirus infection rates in the country, with only 1.9% of people testing positive for the virus last week, according to the state’s COVID-19 dashboard. And while coronavirus hospitalizations in the state have fallen about 14% over the last month, officials are raising concerns about a potential surge of cases over the holidays.

Gov. Gavin Newsom on Monday urged state residents to get vaccinated and wear masks over the holidays, observing that at least 27 other states have seen at least a 10% increase in COVID-19 cases in the past week.

“Ask the governor of Michigan (or) Colorado how they are doing,” Newsom said. “States are struggling because people are taking down their guard or claiming ‘mission accomplished.’ … I don’t want to see that happen here in California.”

Steven Ahle
Steven Ahle
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